Yep!

Yesterday, I blogged in the morning and it set the tone for my day. I had a great day. So, I thought I would try it again, today. Unfortunately, at the moment I cannot think of a thing to write about.

I have been thinking a lot about the triplets that used to live across the street from me. They have been in foster care for the last 3 years. Their father- who abandoned them when they were 2 has spent the last 2 years trying to get them back. Now they will be going to live with him soon. I am worried about them. They are now 6 1/2 years old, and the foster family they have been with has had them since they were 3. Really, that's the only family they know. Their father is now married to a woman with 4 children of her own. And to me, he seems still preoccupied with himself. I really don't know what to think of all of this. I have been very close to the boys since they were tiny babies. All I can do is to try to maintain that closeness and keep an eye on the situation.

My mood is falling. What made yesterday so good? I felt awake, alert, alive all the way. I had more contact with other people yesterday. That always helps. I went to my yoga class last night, which ended the day on a positive note. I made a lovely piece of jewlery. But these things were more a product of feeling good than what made me feel good itself. Well, actually they were intertwined. I felt good, did more stuff that helped me continue to feel good, which encouraged me to do more stuff that helped me feel good.

So why so gloomy today? More questions. Always questions.

More searching

A week since my last post, still not too much to say. I take that back. I had an enjoyable weekend. I went to the annual flower show at our local cathedral on Saturday with some dear old friends. I had been to neither the flower show, nor the cathedral in several years. In fact, had not even seen the renovations, now 8 years old. It all still looks brand new and is quite beautiful. A former friend of mine was one of the artists that worked on the restoration of the artwork of the ceiling. When I saw it, I felt a bit sad about the ending of that friendship. Maybe some day I will write about that. I, also, went to an event at which Matthew Fox spoke. It was named "The Cosmic Circle: multimedia ritual music poetry dance celebration". I found it quite interesting and stimulating. And I saw several people I hadn't seen in years, which was very enjoyable. It was the first event with a "spiritual" purpose that I had been to in a very long time. I wish I had written when I came home because I had some thoughts and feelings then which have, of course, evaporated with time. There was dancing to loud music that I was at first uncomfortable with (mostly because of the volume). There were drummers- wished I was drumming with them. There were people walking around with these plaster heads and torsos on that made them much taller than everyone else. One was of Gandhi, there were 3 more that I recognized as spiritual teachers from Africa, South America, India, but don't know their names. Their effect on me was that it brought out the little child in me. I wanted to shake their hands or hug them. They kind of shied away from that. Part of the ritual was to walk around the room and say "Namaste" to each person you met as you bowed to them with hands folded and looked them in the eye. This was very moving to me- I found myself in tears when people actually did look me in the eyes. Many wouldn't, however. I wanted that connection with them- and more. I wanted to talk to people- which was not really a part of the evening.

There was an invitation to attend a worship service the next morning at a church whose pastor is a lesbian and someone I know. Matthew Fox was to speak there. I wanted to go- because there were so many people I knew there who attend that church and because Matthew always has interesting things to say. But I was lazy in the morning- laid in bed drinking coffee and reading the paper instead. Yes, I have some minor regrets. Only about not hearing Matthew. I can always go to that church if I want. But not sure I want. I am pretty anti-church these days. And I have heard that this place is pretty "evangelical". Definitely not my thing. Still unsure as to what "my thing" is. But that, you see, is why I am here- still seeking!

It is Tuesday and I am working. Been out on one visit so far, tonight, and came back smelling like I had been in a bar. Patient wasn't even smoking while I was there. I don't have a lot to say tonight, but thought I would post, anyway, to keep in practice. I am trying to see the differences among these fonts. There aren't lot.

I am glad to see that other people are reading my blog. Even commenting. Nice to know one is contacting someone somewhere in the world.

Wish I would sell something on my Etsy page. I have only made 2 sales off of there in over a month. Well, hopefully things will pick up a bit. What can I expect with the stock market bottoming out.

Th-th-that's all folks. Good night.

GRRRR!

I just finished reading a book with which I have been completely enthralled for several days. It's called "The Power of One"- a novel. I love novels. The ending disappointed me terribly, it was as though the writer decided he was tired of writing and just threw the ending together to be done with it. I have done that with projects and been disappointed in my own results.

The book had strong spiritual themes running throughout the whole thing. And then fell flat on its face, in my estimation, which no doubt means nothing to the author. The book is about a boy growing up in South Africa in the 1930's. His story is harrowing from the start. But he makes it his goal to become the welter weight boxing champion of the world. He is an incredibly bright young man and an excellent boxer. He forms relationships with amazing people, he is a leader, tremendously independent, and wise far beyond his age. He is accepted to Oxford University, but doesn't go right away because (though he is offered money from his wealthy best friend) he wants to earn the money to pay his own way to college. An admirable goal, to be certain. So he goes to work in the copper mines in Northern Rhodesia for a year. His job is very dangerous, yet he escapes death. On his last day there, he meets the man who tormented him in boarding school when he was 5 years old (the other boy was 12 at the time). They have an all out brawl, and the young man beats him though he is much smaller, physically. And there ends the book!! WHAT?? What happens to his goals? Does he go to college? Does he stay in the mines? What the heck? I know some would say- well, for him, that was the fight he needed to have. Maybe, but then what? I suppose the author wants the reader to draw his/her own conclusions. That's not what I read novels for. I want answers. I want an honest ending.

Hmm... I guess that is kind of where I am at with everything right now. I just want answers. I don't seem to want to think it out for myself. I seem to be afraid to do this. I don't really feel I have the energy to do this. And a big part of me thinks I don't have the wisdom to do this.

Well...it's late. I think I will stop thinking right now.