More question marks

Not doing so good with my small moments project. Not sure why. Life is just so full some days, it is tough to pick out one thing.

It has been a strange week. I seem to have lost the friendship of someone I have known for more than 25 years. People get angry about the strangest things, sometimes. And I have difficulty understanding why after so many years of friendship, we can't talk it out. Oh well. Maybe after she cools off a bit.

I guess I really don't have much else to say right now. Maybe tomorrow.

Saturday

It's been a quiet weekend. I am working, and worked last night. Last night was very quiet, not one visit. Tonight is shaking out a bit more busily. Two visits so far and it is only 1:30 am. Maybe that will be all, we will see I guess. Yesterday went to lunch with the boys (Vinny, Vitto, Tony) and their grandma. They were quite wound up at first, but got settled after they ate. The restaurant we went to has a bunch of arcade games, and grandma divided up $10.00 worth of quarters amongst them. There were also vending machines with little trinkets in them. Do you remember the joy of spending your own money at that age? I remember going to the corner store which had a penny candy counter. Gosh! It was so exciting to stand there and pick out my goodies. I could see the joy and excitement the boys were experiencing in picking out their little trinkets. It's so much fun to be with them and just let them be little kids. Sometimes I get too caught up in their misbehavior to enjoy the fun stuff. Yesterday, I just stepped back and watched. One of the machines refused to spit out its toy. So, Tony and I went to the hostess and politely requested a refund. The lady graciously gave us back the "stolen" quarter. Tony looked at me with great surprise and said "huh! That was easy!" I guess he has already come to expect arguments from adults. Life hasn't been easy for these fellows who were abandoned by their father at 2 and then taken from their drug addicted mother just before they turned 3. Most recently they have been handed over to their dad, after more than 3 years in a foster home. The foster parents had wanted to adopt the boys and they were quite attached to each other. Fortunately, the State, in its "infinite wisdom", did keep the boys together through all this. Well, maybe I will try to catch a nap before my pager goes off again.

Wake up!

Whew!! I just read an essay by Robin Morgan :http://www.womensmediacenter.com/ex/020108.html It really got my brain in gear. I had forgotten what a powerful essayist she is. But more than that I had forgotten so much in terms of feminism. I had forgotten because I have become complacent and addicted to the American drug: "feel good". It is too easy to just think we are there, because I am doing well- have a house, good job, etc. It is too easy to think that I = we when everything looks good from where I am standing. I gotta get off my butt and look outside of myself.

Sure, I think about global issues: global warming, fuel prices, etc. I have become a vegetarian because I don't want to support an industry that abuses animals and contributes to global warming. But what have I done to further the cause of womyn lately? (Yes, Karen, womyn with a "y" for you!) So, today, I am asking any readers who might be looking at this blog, to please read this essay. This is my effort to further the cause of womyn today!

Days 5 & 6

Yesterday was a moment all day. I had such a good day that I really cannot pick out one single moment. I started the day with some blog reading and exercise, spent much of the day being productive in my workshop, then spent the evening with my partner and her oldest daughter. A lovely day.

Today, I got to see another set of triplets. These kiddos are only 5 1/2 months old. They are freaking adorable and I was in baby heaven for a couple hours. They chortled, cooed, smiled, and puked. And I loved every minute of it.

Day 4

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwx yz ,<.>/?'";: ;:]}[{=+-_0)9(8*7&6^5%4$3#2@1!ZzABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRATU VWZYZ Crazy, huh? That's my small moment for today. It's kinda like doodling on the 'puter. Those bizzarre characters are "webdings". That's actually one of the fonts you can choose with this program. I can't even tell you what some of those pictures are. Anyway- it was fun.

Days 2 & 3

Well I have missed 2 days of small moments already and I only just started. Here is my moment for Valentine's Day >>>>>>> That's what I found in the kitchen when I got up. Sweet. Today (yesterday, now), there were a lot of things that were kinda special. I saw the triplets today. That's always special. My favorite times are when they all try to sit in my lap at once. That is just about impossible, now. They are 6 1/2 years old. This is them:

Vitto

Vinny

Tony

That was on their birthday in August. They are special enough in themselves. I guess that's all I need to say.

This will be Day 1

A favorite blogger of mine is doing a project she calls "30 Small Moments". The idea is to be awake, alert, and present in the moment. She is doing it in photos. I love the idea of it, but never seem to have a camera handy when I need one. So, I think I will try doing it in words. If the opportunity arises to get a photo I will add those too.

So, my small moment came as I was leaving the grocery store. It was another frigid day, but the sun was shining. An elderly gentleman, bundled to the teeth looked at me and smiled and said "hello, darling. How are you today?" I responded that I was doing fine and asked how his day was going, he said "good,so far". I told him that was great, hope it stays that way, and told him to keep warm. He smiled in return as he walked on into the store. That's all. But it was sweet.

PS Many of the photos I use at the head of my blog are from Flickr. This one is.

It is past midnight. I have been wandering from window to window to look at the fresh fallen snow. It snowed much of the day and there are about 4 inches of new snow on the ground. The last 2 inches fell after 10 pm so there are no doggie tracks in the back yard yet, only a few little bunny tracks in the front. What is it that makes me want to just stand and gaze at that fresh beauty? There is something mysterious about it, especially at night.

Those little bunny tracks fascinate me no end. Where are they going? What are they eating? How do they survive in that cold, wet world? Then I gaze across the street to the huge evergreen tree, all blanketed in snow. Critters live in there and I know they are well-sheltered by the blanketed branches. Somehow evergreens like that make me think of God. There is a mystery to them, they provide shelter and food and protection for many small beings, they withstand the elements, they seem to live forever, unchanged by the world around them. And they smell so good after a cleansing rain!

They also, of course, make me think of Christmas. We always had a fresh tree, except the year my middle brother was 2 years old. (I will write another time, about that.) I loved to lie on the floor under the tree and look up into the branches. I would gaze at the lights and look at each ornament and remember where it came from. It seemed the only time of year I had a real sense of being loved as a child. And that tree came to be a symbol of that love. To this day evergreens can evoke that sense of being loved, and of security, for me.

"The Universe" is unfolding as it should

I have been spending hours and hours doing the silliest stuff: changing and re-changing the backgrounds to my blogger page as well as my myspace page. The better stuff I have been doing is reading blogs. I have found a few faves. There are some amazingly talented people blogging out there folks! Their blogs are funny, uplifting, heart-warming, and just plain enthralling. I love the photos, too. I especially love pictures of babies and animals or even baby animals.

On the more serious side: As a hospice nurse, I have the duty to be present to families when thier loved ones have died. I am a lesbian, and out to my coworkers, family and friends. This last week, I had the priveledge of being called out to the death of a woman who, also, was a lesbian. This was the first time I had been present at the death of someone who was openly gay. The family and friends of the deceased woman knew immediately when I walked in that I was "family" and were obviously relieved that they could relax and be themselves.

I had put a word out to "The Universe" to allow me to be the one on duty when this woman died. One of the reasons being, I would want the same in their position, ie, someone who identified with my loss and would not judge me for being different. Someone who wouldn't stare open-mouthed when I kissed my partner good-bye.

I just wanted to be there to give comfort to this 75 year old woman who had just lost the love of her life, and have her know that I grieved along with her and was not thinking of our differences. These two women had been together for more than 45 years! Surely, they deserved to have their last moments together honored and respected by one of their own. (This, too, was a first for me. The longest standing couple I had met prior to these women was 25 years. )

Now, don't get me wrong, I work with a tremendouly open-minded, kind and loving group of individuals. I know, for certain, that I would be comfortable with any one of them attending the death of one of my family members. But that lady does not know them the way I do. And for her, it would have been difficult to trust someone without knowing there were no differences between us. After all, she lived most of her life in a world where she had to hide her true identity for survival.

So, "The Universe" responded to my request, and allowed me the honor of helping a kindred spirit send her love off. Thanks, Universe. I felt blessed to be there.